Sista-Girl Conquers the World

I LOVE HER!!!!

(Source: iamnotagolddiggah, via naturalbelle)

sirobe:

#6. Zelda Wynn Valdes: First Black Fashion designer and customer.

Valdes (1905 – 2001) opened her own shop on Broadway in New York City in 1948. Some of her clients included other notable black women of her era, including Dorothy Dandridge, Marian Anderson, and Joyce Bryant. She is also most famous for designing the original costumes for the Playboy Bunnies and the Dance Theater of Harlem.

(via naturalbelle)

I’ve been in my head way too much lately.  I recently made the mistake of watching “Baby Mama”.  A truly funny movie (in my opinion), but sad at the same time (at least for me).  I can relate to Tina Fey’s character (kind of).  I’m 36 and would like to start a family…but, that’s a little hard to do when I don’t even date.  I know, you’re yelling at your computer screen, telling me to try online dating again.  But, like I have said - NEVER AGAIN!  That just isn’t for me.  

So, what to do?  Unlike Tina Fey’s character, I don’t have thousands of dollars sitting around that I can use to pay for a surrogate mother.  Out of the question.  I also don’t have thousands of dollars to freeze my eggs (a suggestion from a friend).  I have contemplated having a child on my own…but, after seeing friends do that, I have decided that isn’t really what I want either.  I don’t want to text my girls that the baby is kicking or that he/she just took her first steps.  I want to share those wonderful moments with my man - my love.  I have come to realize that I don’t want to just be a baby mama…I want to have my family.  

It’s not just that silly movie that has me all blahhed out…it’s also this time of year.  When I was a child, Easter was my favorite holiday.  I even liked it more than Christmas.  I remember Easter as being the holiday that meant spring was here.  We were definitely going to church that Sunday!  LOL!  I knew I would get a new pair of shoes - and, if not, my old pair would be polished and shined until they looked new!  LOL!  I would get a new dress.  I might even wear white gloves with the little lace around the wrists.  I grew up in the Parkside section of Camden, and there were two main churches for the neighborhood:  Kaighns Avenue Baptist Church and Parkside Methodist Church.  (We went to Parkside Methodist - even though were Baptists - my mom loved Rev. Woods).  What was great back then was that we all walked to our respective churches, or so it seemed.  I look back on that time and have a vision of all our neighbors and friends, walking to church.  (If it was a sunny, warm Easter.)  Church was great because it was like being at a wonderful reunion (I won’t lie, we didn’t go to church every Sunday - yes, we were those folks that get talked about - going to church on Easter, uhn!).  Then, afterwards, there’d be a steady stream of folks over to visit and get a plate.  Good memories.

Now, my favorite holiday has been relegated to almost non-existence.  My family is very diverse (which is nice - hey, whatever your path is, I respect it), so there are very few who have the desire for church that I do, let alone, celebrating Easter.  I am happy (and blessed) to still be able to enjoy my favorite holiday with my favorite person (my wonderful mom).  But, each passing year makes me long more and more about having my own family.  My own little ones that I could dress in pretty Easter dresses and suits.  My own family that I can create my own traditions with…like, an egg hunt in my mom’s yard (yep, I don’t care what you say, I still like Easter eggs and the Easter Bunny!); going to church with my mom and my family - all of us dressed in our Sunday finest; all of us enjoying her ham for dinner (yep, sure did say ham - what?!).  But, this year, like last year, that’s just not going to happen.  My mom and I will still have a wonderful Easter together…I just look forward to…

So, there it is…in all it’s pathetic honesty.  I know this puts a damper on my She-Rahness - admitting that I long to have a family.  But, I do.  I’m 36 years old.  I will be SO HAPPY to finish school, open my cafe, and start living this dream life…”a dream, a simple fantasy” (DeBarge).  Sometimes I wonder if this dream will come true.  

I hope my honesty doesn’t throw you too much because I’m supposed to be conquering the world and all.  I still will conquer the world…

 Maybe I was just supposed to get that out? 

Until next time (and, I’ll be more upbeat)…

~S

Today was just one of those days!  I woke up with the best intentions of accomplishing so much!  Instead, I spent most of the day accomplishing very little.  

The thing with owning and running your own business is that it is allllll you!  At least it is until you make it big enough to afford to hire help.  (I haven’t gotten to that stage, yet.)  So, in the interim, I do just about everything!  From soup to nuts, from buttercream to sliced apples, I get it done!  

Today was “tech” day around here.  I am technologically challenged, so I DO NOT look forward to having to do technical things (hence, one reason for Sweet Jonz not having a website).  Sigh…but, this morning, I was determined to get some techy stuff done!  Well, that was this morning…now, I want to pull my hair out!  I wanted to work on opening up the lines of communication between myself and my potential customers, so I was hoping to add a cute toll-free number…long story short, I was on the phone with the phone company (I won’t say their name, but go ahead and take a guess) for over FOUR HOURS!  After all of that time, I STILL do not have a toll-free number!  ARGH!

Then, I wanted to work on my website…sigh…here we go…look, I figure if I must have a website that looks only half-way descent, I might as well put it together myself…why pay for what I don’t want when I can give myself what I don’t really want - for free?!

I attempted to get this process started, only to be halted by the fact that my computer is too old to upload my pictures!  WT?!  Really?! 

I have tried to have someone design my website, but I have had the worst time!  I have been taken (meaning - robbed)…I have had folks offer their services, only to not want my input - about MY BUSINESS!  Sigh…

I’m having a very frustrating day, for sure!  But, it “bees” like this sometimes.  That’s why I’m making this post.  Being an entrepreneur is not all gum drops and lollipops, and a lot of times, it is really hard work!  But, it is okay.  I will do the happy dance when I have my cute toll-free number to offer to my customers.   And, believe me, when I am able to launch my website - I’ll be dancing for joy in the streets!  LOL!  

How do I go this week without speaking about Trayvon?

By now, we have all seen the picture of Trayvon in his hoodie.  Since his murder, most of us have worn hoodies in symbolic remembrance of Trayvon.  But, I choose to post this picture of Trayvon because it is one of my favorites of him.  It is simple and sweet, and it is true.  Instead of the hoodie, let us look at this picture and remember that Trayvon was loved.  He was a son, brother, cousin, and he was loved.  He was a child.  He was loved.  His mom loved him.  His dad loved him.  He was loved.  

I love this picture because the love his dad feels for him shows clearly.  I love this picture because it is of a black man, with his arms around his son, and he is kissing him.  I love this picture because it is rarely seen.  I love this picture because it is love.  

Many of us can too easily relate to being suspected of being a suspect because we are black, we don’t look like we belong.  I, personally, remember being pulled over because I was driving while black…being surrounded by three police cars, told I was pulled over because the police officer “didn’t like” the way I drove by him…and, then told to drive home - without ever receiving a ticket.  

I remember being in high school - my cousin was on the basketball team.  He came home from an away game so upset.  He had just started his locks…maybe the kids at the school they were playing at had never seen locks before - who knows - but, he was called n*gg*ar and monkey from those kids in the bleachers.  Then, they even followed the school bus he was riding in - taunting him and hurling insults at him - on the highway!  It was so terrifying that the school bus driver radioed the police for help  in order to get he and the team back to our high school safely. If my cousin was walking through that town that night after the game, instead of riding on the school bus, could he have been Trayvon?  

I am not yet equipped to adequately write about Trayvon because my emotions remain raw and I still have not found the words to describe what it feels like to be suspected of being a suspect just because you are black - different.  

So, dear Trayvon, my words are inadequate right now, and I am sorry.  Sometimes the hatred that runs through this country leaves me numb.  

How do you break-up with a friend?  I mean, we all know how to break-up with a lover…but, what is the proper way to end a friendship?  I was faced with this dilemma last week.  

I won’t go into too many details, but I will say, that last week, I officially ended a friendship with someone I once considered like a sister to me.  I am not someone who lingers in muck for too long.  The feeling of staleness can put the period on an end of a sentence for me.  I hate the feeling and I don’t wallow in it for long.  

I will say that I had known this particular friend for approximately  10 years.  She and I had shared laughs, secrets, tears, and adventures.  But, the past year or so, there has been a separation between  us.  It was obvious that we were both moving in different life directions, and, possibly, that we had both lost the desire to keep working at our friendship.  

But, that’s it isn’t it?  Friendships, just as with any relationship, require work, commitment, and dedication.  If the time is not put in, a friendship will die, just as any relationship would…and, perhaps, should.  

Who is to say that friends are supposed to be forever?  Every person I know today might not be the people I will need to know for where I’m going in my life (and vice-versa).  We were good friends to each other for the seasons we were meant to be good friends to each other.  But, then, those seasons came to an end.

I tried to honestly discuss the elephant in the room last week and just lay the cards on the table.  I did this, I thought, because I wanted to let her know that I did value our time as friends, and that I thought she (and our friendship) deserved an explanation as to why I thought our friendship had come to an end.  I thought silence would just be cowardly and wrong.

This is all hard to describe without putting the details into cyberspace, but, some things should be left unsaid.  What I will say is, she DID NOT take my point well - AT ALL!  I was bombarded with a tirade of insults!  Thus, me being the fighter that I am, I slung mud right back at her.  Instead of having an adult discussion, we became little more than alley cats with claws on the ready.  I had to put a stop to it, so I simply stopped.  If I continued, I would have hurt her feelings in ways that are unacceptable, since I did, at one time, consider her a friend.  

Some people will say that you don’t end a 10-year friendship.  I will say, there were certain situations that arose this past year that proved to each of us, that we had lost respect for each other, didn’t really like each other, and didn’t truly know each other.  

I have been left wondering just what was our friendship - really?  A silent charade?  Seems like it.

After I digested the bitterness of the ending…I felt renewed.  I was not, nor have not been, very sad at all about the loss of our friendship, but more relieved that I no longer have to deal with the elephant that it had become.  That in itself has reinforced to me that I made the right decision.  The fact that we both felt the need to say such hurtful things to each other proved to me that our friendship had been dead for quite some time because we had both, silently, allowed so much resentment to build up…I was simply the one who had the courage to burry it.  

So, I don’t look back on our friendship with a curled lip and rolling eyes.  I remember our good times with a smile…it is okay…endings are okay.  I believe that sometimes, you have to clean house to make room for new furniture - so, I’m making room.